Around me all is smiles, light and joy!
Although my daughter is now almost three, it sometimes STILL feels surreal that I am a mother who has been blessed with the privilege and duty to nourish, comfort, protect and love unconditionally a true miracle from God.
I can still remember seeing Becca for the first time. Since I had to have a cesarean section, I couldn't even hold her for the first 45 minutes of her life! I was lying on the operating table terrified because I could see a reflection of what was going on inside me in the mirror above. My husband was videotaping the first moments of our daughter taking breaths on her very own with her little lungs! At first, I was hesitant of him even having the device in the operating room, but looking back, I am so grateful. When he was finally able to carry her over to me, I immediately was overcome with joy and shouted, "Happy Birthday!" She turned her head and looked right at me almost as if to say, "It's nice to be able to put a face with the voice who has been reading all those stories to me!" From that very first moment I saw her, I felt the awesome bond between a mother and daughter from a whole new perspective!
This past Mother's Day was quite an emotional one for me. Well, let's see, my husband forgot to mention anything to me when we were hanging out before church...but don't worry! He redeemed himself by calling me before I actually GOT to church. HAHA.
But, more seriously, I reflected on the fact that I am blessed with not only one mother (who adopted me!), which is special, in and of itself...but I am blessed with a mother-in-law (who has proven to be one of my very best friends!) and a step-mother-in-law (who is grieving the loss of her husband).
My heart is currently aching for Kaëthe (my step-mother-in-law). Each time we speak to her on the phone, she is overcome with grief and she literally weeps in anguish for her husband. She told us that she placed frames filled with Bill's (my husband's dad) pictures all over the house so that she can see him wherever she is. I cannot even imagine having to go through the death of my best friend and soul mate! It's almost as if we can fool ourselves and say, "Oh, Dad just didn't call this week..." since we didn't see him every day. But, Kaëthe is constantly reminded of Bill - his clothes, his office in the house, his pictures, his scent...I feel so helpless and I just want to take all the pain away for her!
All three of these beautiful women have influenced who I am today, hopefully making me a better me! They are true examples of what a mother should be, each in their unique ways. I hope I am making the right decisions today that will allow MY daughter to grow up with a sense of self-confidence and the ability to make good decisions. I hope my daughter always knows how much she is loved!
"That though the radiance which was once so bright be now forever taken from my sight. Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower. We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind."
-William Wordsworth
